Volume 1, Issue 3
Growth, Love, and Reflections of the Moment
Respect Differences
(Don’t worry, this is not about political views. It is mostly about exercise.)
I was paging through my parents’ AARP magazine when I stumbled on a small fact that has stuck with me since.
The article in question was about finding happiness in hard times, and featured words from research professor Meike Bartels, who has discovered that genetics can account for 35-40% of the difference in people’s various levels of happiness.
She’s quoted as saying, “Some people get a real mood lift from exercise. But others don't. Spending time in nature may increase your happiness but not someone else's...People's likes, dislikes and preferences are a deep part of who we are — part of our own unique DNA.”
I have been chewing on this for a while. I’ve been chewing on it as I packed up most of my belongings and left rural Pennsylvania for a crowded East Village corner of Manhattan. I’ve been chewing on it as I rolled out my yoga mat some days, skipped my workout on others. I’ve been chewing on it as I finished Jane Austen’s Mansfield Park and read about Fanny Price’s delicate health failing her when shut in for too long indoors.
The truth is that this exercise thing is new to me. I have internalized other, also research-backed mantras like “you need thirty minutes of exercise a day” and “don’t skip a big breakfast.” So why is my boyfriend Jake just as happy on the days he doesn’t exercise? Why does my friend Maria perpetually subsist off of a single latte for breakfast at no apparent detriment to herself?
The conclusion I’ve reached is 1) AARP is just a good magazine but also 2) respect differences, and that includes yourself.
As simple as it sounds, we can so often fail to respect differences in people’s likes and dislikes, what they need to stay sane and what they don’t need, what brings them joy and what doesn’t. I remember a friend of mine once talking about her boyfriend who is now her husband. They were unbearably cute together back then and seemed about as compatible as two people could be. “Francisco and I have our differences,” she told me. “Like he hates peanut butter. He hates it. I can’t understand it.” There was real bitterness in her voice. I had to stifle my urge to laugh. How could two people who loved each other so much have ill will over peanut butter? But sometimes you want the people you love to love what you love. Sometimes, we get so stuck on how good a thing makes us feel, we refuse to accept that any sane person wouldn’t feel that way, too.
I think the thing that clicked for me reading this article is that “respecting differences” means believing people. Believing that the joy your partner gets from spending time alone is the same as the joy you get from going out and talking to lots of people. Believing that some people just don’t get that same boost from exercise. Respecting the fact that you are two humans with unique DNA, each just trying to get what you need.
I’ve been reminding myself that this extends to myself, too. I happen to be a really sensitive person, physically speaking. Things in my environment affect me. If I don’t eat well, it will affect me. If I don’t consistently exercise, it will affect me. Same with getting enough sleep, seeing enough nature, or spending too much time in stressful environments. Recently I was hanging out in our apartment when I suddenly realized that if I did not get some direct sunlight in my eyes I was not going to be okay. I sat by the window blinking into the sky like a crazy person until I decided I needed to just stop what I was doing and go for a walk by the river. I returned feeling like a whole new person — certainly a happier person for my partner to be around, not to mention more mentally balanced and content within myself.
But the truth is that this experience is so far out of modern understandings — does a person really need sunlight? — that I judge myself for it. I instinctively know the things I need to feel joy, let alone to feel at baseline, yet I remain half an adjustment away from truly believing myself. I mention Mansfield Park because of the legitimacy with which a character’s sensitive constitution is treated. A slight headache results in urges to lie down and a sea breeze is widely accepted as powerful enough to unbalance someone’s spirits. I read this book baffled and amazed by this serious culture shift, and also slightly jealous. I can’t even validate my own personal needs and here Edmund is running over to Fanny because she overheated in the rose garden.
Respect differences — believe people — believe yourself — support everyone’s personal path to wellbeing, and joy.
The Most Amazing
Grain-Free Bagels !
When I went gluten-free in January, my doctor asked me if there would be anything too hard to give up.
I told her while I thought I could do it... I sure would miss bagels.
My first few months hanging around New York, the cream cheese-lox-everything bagel became a ritual. It seemed to mark a lot of my favorite, most New York-y moments: dashing out to Murray’s on 11th and 6th on my lunch break. Sitting on a bench in Tompkins square park with Jake in the earliest moments of our relationship, sharing coffee and bagels and grinning at each other like idiots. Again with Jake, him running out to get us breakfast that we ate at his place with a Seinfeld on in the background.
Sometimes the hardest thing to let go of with food is all we’ve wrapped up into it.
There’s always a balance between health and experience. I think it’s a very personal choice to be made. This past year, I invested much more in the “health” side of the line, to great benefit. One of the best, most rewarding parts of it has been discovering a crazy amount of recipes that are unbelievably delicious.
I’ve even found a grain-free bagel recipe that I LOVE!
I didn’t know it was even possible to make anything close to a bagel without using grains, but this recipe consistently blows me away in look, texture, and taste. I make this with the Trader Joe’s Everything But the Bagel Seasoning, top it with some cream cheese, lox, and capers, and voila! I am a happy New Yorker once again, enjoying my bagels around town as I please. I have a feeling that this recipe really hits home for gluten- and grain-free folk, those of us for whom it’s been a while since we tasted the real deal; if you tolerate gluten and eat normal bagels frequently, you might notice more differences than similarities. But if you’re interested in a healthier alternative, or just curious to try this out, this recipe is one of my all-time faves.
Paleo Bagels
(Original recipe here from Paleo Gluten Free Eats, one of my favorite food blogs. Below is the recipe with a few of my notes)
Dough
1 cup cassava flour
1 cup arrowroot flour
4 whole eggs
1/4 cup palm oil shortening (I use butter.)
2 tablespoons maple syrup (I never add this! Mine don’t turn out as good when I do. Too much moisture.)
1 tablespoon water
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 teaspoon sea salt
Topping
2 tablespoons black sesame seeds (I use Trader Joe’s Everything But the Bagel mix)
optional egg wash
1. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees and line a baking sheet with parchment paper.
2. In a KitchenAid mixer or by hand, combine all of the ingredients for the dough until smooth.
3. Separate the dough into 4 equal parts.
4. Fill a large saucepan with 2 quarts of water or half way full. Bring the water to a boil and then turn it slightly down, but keep the water boiling.
5. Roll each segment of dough into a ball and then shape it into a bagel. You may have to wet your hands to shape the dough, so it doesn't stick to you.
6. Drop one bagel at a time into the boiling water and let them cook for 1 minute on each side or until they rise to the top of the water.
7. Once the bagels have boiled, set them on the baking tray. If you so desire to put an egg wash on the bagels to make them brown- simply brush the egg wash on top of the bagels and then sprinkle the sesame seeds over the tops of the bagels.
8. Bake the bagels at 350 degrees for 25 minutes until golden brown (I bake mine for 30).
Simple Pleasures
Hu Chocolate Bars
Crunchy Mint...Hazelnut Butter...Cashew Butter and Raspberry...these are just a few flavors of Hu Chocolate Bars, aka the best chocolate bar ever. I got wise to these when I discovered the Hu flagship store was right down the block from my job. During quarantine they closed the store indefinitely :( But luckily the chocolate is widely distributed and available online! The reason I love these so much is because they are sweetened with coconut sugar, a low-glycemic sweetener, and also don’t contain any fillers such as soy lecithin. The bars are 70% dark chocolate but don’t taste too intense. My favorite is the Cashew Butter Raspberry. If it matters to anyone, these are also approved by my doctor, who said, “That’s a really clean chocolate bar — I’m totally fine with you eating those.” Hooray!
LMNT Recharge Electrolyte Drink
In one of those serendipitous moments, I had just finished an episode of Melissa Urban’s Do The Thing podcast when Jake asked me if I knew of any good drink mixes to add to water. “Yes! It was just on Melissa Urban’s podcast!” I told him excitedly. Fast forward to us ordering 120-count of LMNT Recharge, a flavored and sugar-free electrolyte packet that contains your daily quota of sodium, potassium, and magnesium. We both felt ultra-hydrated when we tried our first one after a hot summer walk. These continue to make me feel great after workouts and at any point during the day when I start to feel dehydrated. I am not too informed on the science behind electrolytes, but I know anecdotally they can help with energy, mood, and muscle cramps. Jake and I agree on the best flavor: Chocolate Salt. It oddly tastes exactly like you’re drinking a chocolate milk. We also agree on our least favorite flavor...Lemon Habanero.
Artwork
Lady Smoking — mixed media
An oil pastel + collage piece I finished this summer. My sweet friend Jordan kindly commissioned me to make her something and has this displayed in her apartment. I’ve been wary of combining words with visual art ever since a previous art professor of mine got wind that I liked writing and said, “You should do a hybrid piece with text!” I enjoy my hobbies independently of each other, thank you very much. And yet, Lady Smoking was born. I designed the text to be sort of a “make your own” poem — some of the trails follow logical language, some don’t, or maybe you find your own personal logic and story within.
