Volume 1, Issue 2
Growth, Love and Reflections of the Moment
My Crossword Puzzle Philosophy
The stuff of life might just be the unique ways we all decide to kill time. For Jake, it’s video games, leftist Twitter, and superhero comics and movies; for me, it’s cooking, poetry, knitting, and playing this game “Dots” on my phone (I am amazing at Dots). Culture likes to trick you into thinking your life is comprised of the big things: What JOB do you have, and what JOB TITLE? What UNIVERSITY did you attend? What NEIGHBORHOOD do you live in? What’s your RELATIONSHIP status? But really, these things have so little to do with what I’m suspecting life actually comes down to: squaring off with the many hours, minutes, and seconds we have to spend.
The person who taught me this is Jake. One of the many things about Jake I consider so impressive is his ability to find fulfillment in his daily habits. Nearly as important as his actual professional work is the work Jake has done over his life to build a repertoire of stuff that he loves to do and can access every day. Stuff that will feed him at any stage of life. Stuff that’s in no way tied to end goals, hopes and dreams, or productivity. I’ve seen Jake, at the end of a long day, instinctively reach for his controller to play a game for an hour, and emerge the calm and happy version of himself I know him to almost constantly be.
Because of Jake, I’ve worked on this in myself. I remember about a year ago, probably after I had voiced some sort of meltdown involving goals and life plans and my many self-perceived limitations, Jake made an observation no one’s ever said to me before. “Huh,” he said, “You don’t have a single hobby or pastime that doesn’t require some sort of skill.”
It was true. My daily pursuits included working out, because I wanted to be fitter; trying to meditate, because I wanted to be more spiritually perfect; practicing piano, because I wanted to be better; working on art, because I wanted more finished pieces under my belt; and so on. These things are not inherently bad. They enhance my life in other ways. I still do many of them daily. But they are beginning to be balanced by hobbies that will never, ever, ever get me anywhere in life.
One such hobby that I’ve recently added to my range is doing crossword puzzles. I freaking love doing crossword puzzles. I do them before I go to bed. I do them while we watch TV. Sometimes I wake up and first thing in the morning, instead of rolling out my yoga mat, I sit on the couch and do a crossword puzzle. I love experiencing the lightbulb moment of finally realizing the answer to a clue I’ve been stumped by. I love getting to do something that reminds me of the many beautiful words and terms of English (“taut,” “lope,” “unsung hero”). I love that six years ago I had a conversation with an ex-boyfriend that would one day provide me with the answer to “Comedy rock duo featuring actor Jack Black” (Tenacious D).
But here is my embarrassing confession about crossword puzzles: The crossword puzzles I do are from the New York Times “Monday” collection (aka the easiest level of puzzle you could basically do). And, honest to God, there is no way I could do a harder level than that, even a Tuesday.
Also, I leave a lot of the answers blank. And if I’m doing one and halfway through I decide it’s too hard, I will simply give up and move on to another puzzle. Scandalous, I know.
But I let myself do the Mondays and I let myself fill in the puzzles as I please because that is the way I enjoy crosswords. It’s a philosophy that has become quietly liberating. I’m not doing the crosswords for anyone other than myself, not even for a future, smarter, perhaps more crossword-adept me. There’s no end goal here. There’s no grade. No one sees my puzzles except for maybe Jake (and sometimes we do them together, and that’s really fun, too).
I feel sorry sometimes that our generation’s upbringing has overemphasized what you do and how well you’re regarded for it. It’s not what helps you on the shitty days. It’s not what makes up a life, as much as our minds may insist otherwise. I’m all in for investing in the little things, the things that bring you pleasure simply by doing them.
Simple Pleasures
Living Libations Best Skin Ever Seabuckthorn Oil
Hormonal acne sufferers: you really, really should check out this product. Best Skin Ever Seabuckthorn Oil is both an oil cleanser and a moisturizer made by Living Libations, an all-natural beauty company that is super strict about the quality of ingredients they put in their products. I first heard about Living Libations on this podcast episode, but I was convinced to give them a try from the ridiculous amount of reviewers for the Seabuckthorn Oil saying their hormonal acne had completely gone away. Seriously, there are so many glowing reviews for this product that I read one that literally started, “I know the last thing this product needs is another review about how life-changing it is, but…” Discovering this was good timing for me, since after recently switching up birth control methods my acne has flared up the worst it’s been since I cleaned up my diet (though oddly enough, I don’t really care — maybe because I’m not really seeing anybody and I get to cover the bottom half of my face with a mask). It’s been less than a week that I’ve used the Seabuckthorn Oil along with the Dew Dab as a spot treatment, and not only does my skin look well on the mend, but I’m completely in love with this product. I don’t know how else to say it...putting this on my face feels like an act of love. In fact, it’s the number one most loving self-care ritual I do for myself right now. The smell is amazing and it leaves my skin feeling nourished and supple, not stripped of moisture. The key way to apply this product is to rinse your face, put a few pumps on the corner of a wet washcloth, and very gently clean your skin with the washcloth before rinsing again. Repeat if needed. You could follow with another pump directly to your face since this product functions as a moisturizer, too — I do this at night and use a lighter moisturizer for day. The last thing I love about this product is that I think it’s pretty fairly priced. I bought the 50ml for $31 and can tell it’s going to last me a while, too.
More Growth, Love and Reflections of the Moment
Slow Shopping
There are two beautiful Japanese bowls sitting in my cupboard that bring me absolute joy every time I use them (which got a shout-out in last week’s newsletter, too). These bowls bring me joy because they are exactly what I wanted. They were not an impulse buy. They serve a very specific purpose (lunch salads). They fit in my tiny Manhattan kitchen. They are well-made and beautiful. They weren’t a clearance rack find I decided to get to try to save a few bucks. They are, in short, the result of a new shopping philosophy I think of as slow shopping.
As a young professional/grad school student who doesn’t happen to own oodles of cash, but does desire all of the wonderful consumer amenities that come with adulthood (the beautiful apartment, the wardrobe of your dreams, etc..), striking a good shopping balance is something of an art. I have blown money before by accruing too many clearance finds, the kind that you think will make do but end up being too poorly made or not to your taste that you barely use them. That doesn’t feel too good. I’ve also (rarely) blown money by saying Fuck it! These things will make my life better and I deserve them!! And bought nice things I really couldn’t afford. That feels bad too. Lately I’ve stumbled on a compromise that not only results in me purchasing the stuff I actually love, but feels good throughout the whole process.
You know the feeling of putting an entire square of chocolate in your mouth and letting it melt, rather than mindlessly eating it in two seconds (or is that just me)? Slow shopping feels like that. I slow shop when I realize a desire I have for something in my life — some gorgeous bowls in our NY apartment for Jake and I to eat salads out of, say — and I decide that out of the many things I’m sure I would enjoy buying, these hold a special place in my heart. And then I take my sweet time enjoying the entire shopping process: thinking about the thing I’m so excited to buy, picturing exactly what I want, doing some light research on store sites and mulling over my options, etc. I don’t aim to limit myself on price, and the lovely thing about taking your time to savor the process is that when you do make your purchase, it feels like a healthy decision for your bank account because you’ve been planning for it (and not blowing money in the meantime). I think it took me at least a month to get around to buying those bowls, and I enjoyed the entire process of it immensely.
It reminds me of what my friend Jordan said recently, in a conversation about how anyone can be expected to fill up a whole house: “I guess you just have to start by furnishing with cheap stuff, and then maybe once a year you replace one piece with a piece you love.” I have not stopped thinking about this since she said it. Not only does this seem like a smart plan, but the idea of choosing the new major piece you want for your home each year, getting excited about it, enjoying the process of shopping for it, and then purchasing it from a place of “yes, I can afford this…”... doesn’t that sound so lovely?
My next slow shopping item up to bat...I’m looking to get another microdermabrasion facial at my favorite skincare place. But I’m booking it for December :)
30 Day Makeup Challenge: Best New Products
As my 30 Day Makeup Challenge continues, I’ve gotten a good chance to break in the new products I ordered — and there are some clear winners! The following are items I will certainly be buying again once the 30 days are over and I am able to wear makeup whenever I damn well choose to. Listen to Jake and I discuss the premise of the 30 Day Makeup Challenge here.
Honest Beauty Extreme Length Mascara + Lash Primer
This is now my mascara choice indefinitely. It’s my first time buying from Honest Beauty, Jessica Alba’s clean beauty brand available on Amazon. The mascara has solved an issue for me that has popped up in recent years...somehow over the course of the day, the mascara from the very tips of my eyelashes will rub off on my brow bone, leaving little black streaks. Since day 1 of using this product that has not happened, likely because of the built-in primer on the other end of the tube. I believe the primer’s official purpose is to lengthen lashes, which it does, but I love it for the aforementioned reason. Plus, the packaging is beautiful.
Glossier Generation G Sheer Matte Lipstick
Why would any lipstick ever not be sheer? Why would any lipstick ever not offer buildable coverage? These are my questions after using Glossier’s Generation G lipstick, which I am completely in love with. In the past, I’ve often shied away from finishing my face with a lip because it can look too made-up, but the Generation G is gorgeously subtle and natural-looking. It’s also buildable, so you can layer more on when desired. I think out of every step in my makeup routine, the flush of color from the Generation G brings my face to life the most. I bought mine in the shade “Like,” and I do like it very much.