Volume 1, Issue 8
February 11, 2021
Three Good Vegetable Recipes
Here are three recipes I frequently make because they make veggies taste delicious:
Garlic Butter Mashed Cauliflower
Recipe here from Healthy Fitness Meals
This is so simple yet somehow so good. It’s almost like the mashed potatoes of cauliflower, though I think of it more as a cauliflower puree because it’s so smooth. Cooking the cauliflower in chicken broth is a great tip, but I find this recipe calls for way, WAY too much garlic — I omit adding any to the pot beforehand and probably put only half a clove in the food processor. It’s strong because it’s raw, so take my word for it and add it in gradually.
Creamy Cauliflower Gratin
Recipe here from Heal Me Delicious
Okay, I think this is the most impressed I’ve been with a recipe EVER. Somehow this sauce that has only vegetables and apple cider vinegar in it comes out tasting SO good. Since discovering this sauce, I do more with it than just put it over cauliflower — it’s also perfect to freeze in batches and then reheat over pasta for extra veg. P.S. If you scroll to the bottom of this recipe you can see my comment from when I made it and it was green (lol). She’s since modified the recipe to say to peel your zucchini!
Asian Garlic Spaghetti Squash Noodles
Recipe here from Paleo Gluten Free Eats
A delicious Asian-inspired noodle with a sweet sauce that knocks Jake’s and my socks off — my only note is this recipe makes a large quantity!
Growth, Love, and Reflections of the Moment
On Managing Yourself
As a person who tends to do really well with RULES, I’m often surprised at how few rules there are out there for some of the trickiest and most universal aspects of being a person. For example: being part of a partnership. Knowing when you can change something and when your can’t. Creating sustainable inner happiness.
Maybe this way of thinking will be my downfall, but I feel in this urgent, pressing part of me that the rules to this stuff are out there. I watched a seminar this summer with 93-year old philosopher Swami Parthasarathy, who made an analogy that hit home: Your mind is like a rushing river. All of the components that make up the human mind — our aversions, our fears, our tumbling emotions, our attachments — will threaten to overflow if you don’t have strong banks to that river. The banks symbolize your intellect: Your rationality, your logic, your ability to understand reality. Your rules.
We’ve all been born with the rushing river, but no one has bothered to teach us how to strengthen our banks. I strongly suspect the #1 reason for this is because we cannot even get on the same page about the fact that our minds are so chaotic and imperfect and need tending. I’ve always felt empowered by the knowledge of thinking errors, the flawed mental processes that we fall into all the time. Odds are if you’re alive you're committing thinking errors. But no one really ever tells you this. It’s not something you learn in school.
So here I am, on a journey of self-teaching what the rules to make up the banks of my intellect will be. I am definitely a baby on this journey. I am truly only at the beginning of what is, essentially, learning how to deal with myself.
But by being a little more mindful lately, I’ve figured out a rule around managing difficult emotions that works for me. I call it not freaking out about the fact that I’m freaking out.
There are so many icky emotions out there that I realized I truly just hate feeling — anxiety is a big one. (I know it might not really classify as an emotion, but I say it is.) Also deep sadness, or anger, or that feeling you get when you were totally helpless to someone walking all over you (let me know if you have a name for that one). These emotions always feel big when they hit me, and the place that they hit me is in my body — feeling my heart start to beat fast. Feeling that horrible drop in my stomach. Feeling my entire being start to jitter and tingle. These things suck in just as terrible a way as a painful shot at the doctor’s, or when you’re kneeling in front of the toilet about to throw up. Uncomfortable, ugly things we feel in our body that we would rather not feel.
Once I realized that I hate these emotions — that I hate the way they feel in my body — I also realized that my (very well-meaning!) person starts to do some wonky things to avoid feeling them. Often this looks like layering a second emotion over the primary emotion. It’s me adding extra anxiety onto anxiety. It’s me going oh no, I can tell I’m getting anxious and when I get anxious it ruins my whole day and it means I’m not a successful person because what successful person has anxiety and maybe this means that something’s really wrong in my life...Apologies for the too-intimate glimpse into my shame spiral, but this is what I consider freaking out about freaking out.
This comes in different packages, too — like getting pissed at someone because what you actually feel is shame. Or getting pissed at someone because what you actually feel is grief. At its core, all of it is your body trying to wriggle out of feeling something that it just essentially sucks to feel.
This is why people say things like “sit with your emotions” and “honor what comes up.” It’s good advice, if slightly mysterious. To me, it means “you have no way out of feeling something uncomfortable so just feel it instead of making it a million times more complicated trying to get around it.” You know that there’s no way out of that shot at the doctor’s. Likewise, there is no way around occasional grief, shame, or hurt. Just feel it — accept that you are going to feel bad for a little bit — instead of beating yourself up/icing out your partner/saying a really hurtful thing you can’t take back.
It reminds me of some of the best advice I ever got about confrontation back in high school. I would never confront or stand up against anyone when I needed to because I would get terrible butterflies in my stomach and my heart would start to pound. I thought this meant I was innately bad at confrontation. But when I told this to someone who I saw as very naturally skilled at confrontation, she said to me, “No, I get those too, the butterflies in my stomach. It never feels good, but you still have to push through and do it.” This kind of changed my life forever.
So to sum up here’s my rule: 1) We all are inevitably confronted with challenging emotions that demand to be felt, 2) We feel these emotions in our body, as much as we may think it's in our heads, and 3) Just like anything else in our body, we need to face it and endure it for a little bit and it will eventually go away.
Or you could just stick with, don’t freak out about the fact that you’re freaking out!
Simple Pleasures
The Class "The Class"
This week I tried The Class, an innovative style of exercise created by Taryn Toomey. The Class is weird. It has traditional workout moves — burpees, donkey kicks, squats — mixed in with sections of free movement, where you’re instructed to simply jump around and move your body in a way that feels good to you. You’re also encouraged to maybe scream or let out noise if that feels good to you — crazy! But also not so crazy, since the physical body and emotions are part of the same system and The Class is about feeling rejuvenated body, mind, and soul. I have to pat myself on the back with this one. Since Jake and I are in close quarters in a studio apartment, I was flailing my arms around and moving my body to the max right in front of him — but 1) he doesn’t care and 2) I believe in the practice of listening to your body and following your instincts way too much to not give it my all. I think with The Class, you get out what you put in. A few last notes: Everything is done to the beat, making it familiar territory for dance and barre lovers, and you can stream the workouts with a 2-week free trial.
Nivea In-Shower Body Lotion
Unfancy but near and dear to my heart is Nivea In-Shower Body Lotion. Have you tried this? This was a technological beauty invention a few years back, and as someone who truly never takes the time to apply body lotion, I adore this product. You apply it while you’re still in the shower onto wet skin, rinse off, and you’re moisturized. I love it because it makes my dry winter skin feel more comfortable, plus it’s just one more little luxury and step of self-care in my routine. I’ve been leaning on those lately: the small little luxurious things I look forward to throughout the day, like applying an essential oil on my wrists, or using my gua sha, or having berries with my coffee in the morning. Nivea is just one more wonderful thing making my shower more indulgent!
What Are Your Valentine's Day Plans?
What are you doing for Valentine’s Day? I have absolutely no desire to try and make outdoor dining work/get a coveted NY reservation this year, so we’re staying home. I’ve been pretty happy staying home lately. I think I’m going to make this:
And maybe this!
French Chocolate Cake from
Del’s Cooking Twist
We’re also going to do these Create the Love Cards of Connection, “curated questions designed to spark meaningful communication and strengthen relationships,” which maybe I’ll report back on.
How are you celebrating? Do you like Valentine’s day? Do you hate it? Do you expect flowers and chocolate, or actual presents? Lmk
I Made A Crossword Puzzle!
I don’t know why, but I’m oddly obsessed with crossword puzzles, so much so that I’ve written about it before in a previous newsletter! Below, please find my attempt at making one myself, a puzzle THEMED with something I love that hopefully is around a NYT Monday-style level of difficulty.
If you take it for a spin, let me know how it goes! I had to use maybe 2 or 3 answers that were more obscure than I wanted them to be, simply to get the puzzle to work. Also, apologies if there are any tiny errors. Like I said, it’s my first one!
Click the puzzle to download:
